Excuse me, ma’am. We are from Yahoo!, you’ll have to clear this area for a bit. We are making renovations that will enhance your… cloudsourcing or whatever you kids do here. See you soon! Buy some stock! Are they gone? Good. Ok Gerald, let’s get to business. There. We dig right over there. Underneath those worded gifs and selfies. There’s oil under those teens. I’d bet my sexy golfball hat on it.
There is a 20 something man at this Mexican place sitting on one of the outward facing stools. He has a fluffy mullet and cannot stop bouncing his leg. He’s making violent mouth-love to a burrito and nodding yes with every bite like he’s in a really terrible advertisement.
Where did he come from? Where is he going? What is his life like?
Let me guess. A bar, a brothel and amazing, respectively.
While at the airport in New Zealand a janitor strolled casually out of the public bathroom whistling “Wish they call could be California girls”. I fully expected to walk in after him and find blood and body parts everywhere.
Is this an ok thought to have and have you seen Hellraiser? It’s pretty good.
Saw this movie the other night where they took this guy’s daughter and he was yelling into a phone “Give her back” and they’re like “You can’t escape your past” and I’m actually just making this up. How are things?
That is the second time a guy has randomly started a super complex handshake with me, only to end it by grabbing me and giving me a super passionate hug. This train station must be cursed. It makes all the dudes around here almost-awesome-but-mostly-really-creepy.
Steve and his brother Darren would like to wish you all a Happy New Year. What can they say? Two years ago they were huddled together in an underpass, warming their fingerless gloved hands over a trashcan bonfire. Living on Triscuits and the goodwill of passersby.
Now they are partying it up big Willie style with the ladies. Do the math, gentlemen, there are 2+ women for each of them. How did all this come about in just two years? Something they like to call ActiveThought.
Once they learned to banish negative thinking to the 12th dimension they realised that life is not so complicated. Doors were opened, prophesies revealed in a series of scrolls that only they could translate and OH GOD IT’S ANOTHER CULT! RUN! RUN! WHY ARE MY HANDS BLEEDING?! WHAT WAS IN THAT CHAMPAGNE THEY GAVE ME? OH GOD WHY WERE THOSE PIGS IN BLANKETS WE HAD EARLIER SO DRY!? EVERYTHING IS GOING DARK TELL MY PARENTS I